All right kids, show of hands. Who knows about glamping the Redneck Riviera? It looks like someone forgot to do their homework. Nothing but the best for this class. Nothing but the best. That’s what the glossy professional-looking brochure in the front office lobby read. Sometimes it’s nice to feel fancy-pants and cared for and glamping is one of the best way to do that. Already during the summer tour, this Bedouin trading party has already been hooked up with the likes of Makobiscribe and Camp Happiness so, after moments of blinding brilliance and a solid beginning at Live Oak and Beltane, and a vehicle overloaded with glamping equipment, there was surely going to be more pleasure palaces along the way.
What would prove to be closer to the truth was filthy feet, insect bites and warm moonshine. They’ve been to Puerto Rico to Captiva Island and Clearwater to Key Largo, so you’d think you know a thing or two about beaches in this great country, right? Think again, manolo.
If you’ve never traveled and camped the approximately 100 miles of glorious American coastline between Alabama and Florida known variously as the “Emerald Coast” and, more regionally, the “Redneck Riviera,” then home skillet, you are in for a treat. There’s no other place like it and you’d be Watusi to skip over the localities that make the Florida Panhandle and LA so enjoyable.
It was already going to be a tester. The crate containing the flags and tapestries blew out of the truck somewhere south of the Live Oak and ended as a glittery explosion of rainbow scarves, national championship flags and assorted contraband. Now we were reduced to a couple of tie dyes and a handful of Mardi Gras beads. All new glamping accouterments would have to be gathered, higgly-piggly, somewhere on the road west.
Glamping Localities in the Panhandle and Redneck Riviera:
- Live Oak, FL: A hammock in an empty music park campground is always a favorite. Hammock sleeping is a winner anyway, but enjoying the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park in between festivals is always a NailTravels favorite. Overlooking Luke’s mud pond and the Camp Happiness site, a sleeping bag, pillow, and blanket are all he needed to cover the spring chill as he lay awake for half the night watching the full moon arc across the sky. This may not be glamping, but it’s not too shabby.
- Statenville, GA: Frito spent the evening drinking strawberry-lime moonshine with migrant workers in their converted school bus. Shortly after, they reclined their “K hole” folding chairs and watched Chuck Norris flicks on Frito’s inflatable movie screen. Everyone cuddled up together, listening to Pink Floyd Puente albums until the sun came up and by morning, all the cigarette butts and corks had been neatly picked from the area. Check out the Roger Waters 2017 Pig Mine Countdown: Phase 1
- Apalachicola, FL: Always one of the favorite glamping localities this side of Clewiston. The sleepy hamlet is dotted with bars and restaurants and some of the best shrimp and oysters this side of Viet Nam. Find the fishing pier at the end of town, past all the hotels and cottages, and there’s a lovely place to spend a night or two. The grassy outfield of the baseball field runs under the bridge and serves as a free bed and breakfast, minus both the bed and the breakfast. It’s just a shady spot to park for a spacious RV or a tiny-tot sized Adventure Wagon. Sleeping, wrapped around the steering wheel is certainly not considered glamping. After coughing up warm moonshine through his nose and nearly being mauled trying to climb in the cab to sleep with Luke Skywalker, he settled into his folding chair for a night, listening to the bait fish jump from the shallows.
- Mexico Beach: Not far from here Frito locked his keys in the cab of the truck. He missed the shrimp and grits for breakfast. Lunch box enjoyed some raw oysters before leaving his new phone on top of the Adventure Wagon. It was dead as soon as it hit 98, exploding into several pieces. Riviera: 2 Rednecks: 0 These are the little occurrences for which one must be prepared when traveling the long black road.
- Alabama Point: Since 1971, the NailTravels staff has been visiting Perdito Pass and Orange Beach. Always one for a baptism, Luke Skywalker celebrated his first trip to the point by finding his way into the healing waters of the Gulf of Mexico only to nearly get drug to Merida, Mexico by the outgoing current. A rescue was attempted by the Coast Guard vessel Decisive before officials were forced to call in the Blue Angels from nearby Pensacola Naval Air Station.
- “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead”
They were running out of ice and tonic when they pulled into Mobile for supplies. Named after the Maubilia Indians, this became the major Confederate port on the Gulf of Mexico after the fall of New Orleans, Louisiana, in April 1862. With blockade runners carrying critical supplies from Havana, Cuba, into Mobile, the Union made the capture of the port a top priority in early 1864.
- Mississippi Rain: “Friday night at the state line bar where the water people dwell. Better watch my step, if the floor caves in I’ll go right straight to hell.” On the eastbound lane of I-10 near the Mississippi border, check out I-10 WB MM63 Rest Area right on Farragut Lake and the Pascagoula River. They ignore passing degenerates that sleep their lives away at the rest stop pro bono. The parking spots in the back are moderately secluded, have picnic tables and even the occasional covered pavilions. The tables can be used for food preparation, as well as sleeping. Mosquito bars should be present in case of roving Mississippi mosquitoes. Over time, this can serve as a perfect place to look like a lonely serial killer and get caught up on some reading. And the storms will blow from off towards New Orleans.
- 2017 South of Hell Summer Tour Road Trip Library:
- Consantino, Maria. The Handbook of Knots. 2004.
Department of the Army. Improvised Munitions Handbook. 1969
Koontz, Dean. The Face. 2003
- Scarne, John. Scarne on Card Tricks. 1950
Scott, David Meerman; Halligan, Brian. Marketing Lessons from the Grateful Dead. 2010
- Southern Living, May-June, 2017
- Thompson, Wesley S. “The Free State of Winston” A History of Winston County Alabama. 1968
- The team pulled it together after another rainy day of romping through Mississippi’s best double-wide beer shacks and rib joints. A vote was taken and, in search of further mystery and adventure, they forged ahead to New Orleans. The lingering scent of pig flesh and a recent newspaper clipping pried from the hand of a dead man, sent them off in a new direction they couldn’t begin to imagine. Maybe there was some truth in the curse the old witch had barked and hissed. He had called her a godless savage, and he meant it. Perhaps he would come to rue the day he’d yoked the blue crystal rosary off her chicken neck.
Dead Cat Hit By Falling Statue
MAY 11, 2017
During the Jefferson Davis Statue removal today, an unidentified dead cat was crushed by the 400 lb obelisk. Subsequent removals of Robert E. Lee and P.G.T. Beauregard Monuments will involve increased accountability measures.
NEW ORLEANS – After two years of planning and court discussions, City officials continued the process today of removing the three remaining monuments that prominently celebrate the “Lost Cause of the Confederacy.” The crowd of onlookers was still applauding the removal of the statue as the unidentified dead cat was found crushed under the ruble. Said one eyewitness, “I guess the war called home one more soldier.”
All inquires should be directed to New Orleans Police Department. Follow my blog with Bloglovin
And the sun will set from off towards New Orleans. Keep up with the travel team as they head to the crescent city in search of old habits and new friends. What happens when DoorNail succumbs to Voodoo black magic?