I know what you’re thinking. You want to get into shape this summer. You want to look like a barrel-chested surfer as as you stroll down the beach. You want to look so good that girls notice you before your chihuahua. Maybe you use the bird or snake on the shoulder angle. Whatever works bub. Maybe you’re a lazy slug who would rather spend the rest of your life watching movies and fishing. That makes some sense.
While that used to be a problem, now we have all kinds of ways of getting into great shape without all the sweat and impact abuse put on an already creaking pair of knees. Think about that machine with the vibrating belt that looped around people’s spare tire back in the sixties. That’s what I’m talking about. Read ahead to find five decent suggestions for getting into shape with very little effort on your part.
It’s Easy To Stay In Shape
1. Yard Work: Someone is going to have to do it anyway. It seems silly to pay for someone to cut your grass and then pay for a gym membership. It’s a strange idea to buy a riding lawnmower and then purchase some kind of silly exercise equipment that sits, lonely and unused, in the dusty guest room. Two birds, one stone. Get off the couch and take a machete to the Darien forest outside your front door.
2. Horseplay: Your kids will run and play with you as long as your heart holds out. It is impossible to wear them down and if you do, they bounce back like a cat on a hot skillet. They are going to run and scream like ferrets on Adderoll anyway, so you might as well get on board and see how long you can last. While your sitting in the retirement village later, looking at pictures of their vacations, you will wish you had played with them more. If you don’t have any children, make some and then rumble with them. Call it practice. There’s all kinds of horseplay. (Ed. Note: Don’t be afraid to roughhouse with your kids. They love it and it’s good for them physically and physiologically. It teaches balance, tactile sensitivity and spacial awareness. And it’s just fun. My father beat up on us all the time but he took plenty of fingers to the old eye hole. Wrastle with your kids until they starting giving you the beat down. Don’t worry, you won’t break them. Kids are really durable.)
3. Eat Less: Really? That is a profound concept that few people outside of France can grasp. French women eat three bites of everything on their plate. I allow my girlfriend to sometimes take as many as four or five bites, as long as it’s organic. Don’t be afraid to split a dinner with your someone. It’s still going to be too much food and you’ll save money. Americans eat too much. Try and find a nice balance between our habits and the average person from Somalia. (Ed. note: Everyone at Nail Travels supports the green movement and thank the unsung peaceful warriors everywhere. Go green. Like the environment and the Earth. And peas.)
4. Cigarettes: While cigarettes are reasonably unhealthy, they are a fine appetite suppressant. They make all food taste like the inside of my grandmothers Buick so, naturally you’re not as hungry. Like a leper, you have been forced out of every decent restaurant and starving, with only the taste of an airport ashtray in your mouth, you have lost some real weight and are looking good. If you could run down the court without your heart exploding, you could play basketball. That’s also very good exercise.
5. Premier Protein Smoothies: You knew it was coming! Their Mixed-Berry Smoothies are absolute fruititious delicousness. Perfect for after you cut the grass, or play with your kids. You can drink it while you cut your grass. I can’t keep them away from my sister. Usually she just steals from me (documented problem) but this time she actually asked. I know. So being a Premier Protein Ambassador, I hooked her up. Thanks NailTravels. Another satisfied customer.
The Mixed Berry Smoothie not only tastes great but listen to the healthy stuff. 15 g of protein, 5 g of fiber, low in fat and sugar with only…….140 calories. Shut up. Visit Premier Protein to find out more about the smoothie and a cacophony of other fine products. Tell em Lenny from NailTravels sent you and you shouldn’t have a problem.