This article is sponsored by the fine people at the Dinty Moore brand. All opinions regarding lumberjacks and throwing hawks belong to Nail Travels. Your first stop for timber sports news.
Just because you have a burly beard, do not mistake yourself for a lumberjack. Just because you listen to Zac Brown, don’t be certain you are a lumberjack. Do you enjoy a rainy afternoon with a good Kate Hudson movies? Do you use emoticons when you text? Are you a little softie? If so, then rather than a lumberjack, you may just be a lumbersexual. The flannel shirt is another dead giveaway.
A lumbersexual is a poser and a fraud. He is a wannabe lumberjack with soft hands and sweet eyes. On the rare occasion he goes outside, he gets cut by something and uses a band-aid. He eats a Greek salad with olives and picks the mushrooms off his pizza. What is the first step to becoming a real lumberjack? Maybe it’s time you started taking an interest in Timbersports. These are world-class athletes competing using lumberjack skills such as cutting, chopping, and throwing. If you’ve ever seen it on television, then you know what I’m talking about. It’s the real business and fun to watch.
What Are The Six STIHL Timbersports Disciplines?
These events are showcased at STIHL Timbersports series events. The smell of sawdust is heavy in the air.
- Hot Saw: Out of a Mad Max film, this involves some kind of customized chainsaw with a modified engine, usually taken from a personal watercraft, snowmobile, or Apollo booster rocket.
- Single Buck: The lumberjack makes one cut through 19″ of white pine using a single man cross-cut saw. You are allowed to have a helper wedge the cut into the log to prevent the saw teeth from sticking. All applications for Timbersports® helper should go through Nail Travels®.
- Standing Block Chop: In what sounds more like a martial arts move, this mimics the felling of a tree. The lumberjack races to chop through 12 to 14 inches of vertical white pine. One night, I was given a standing block chop in the parking lot of the Buddha. It did not feel good. At least I swallowed his wedding ring.
- Stock Saw: The stock saw discipline is a real test of operator ability. The lumberjack uses an MS 660 STIHL Magnum® chainsaw and begins with both hands on the log and the chainsaw idling. These are the fellows we need in South Florida around hurricane season.
- Underhand Chop: I’m underhanded in the way I conduct many of my affairs, so I was naturally good at this event. The lumberjack stands with feet apart on a 12- to 14″ white pine log. At the signal, he begins to chop through the log with his racing ax. It sounds so easy my heart just exploded.
- Springboard Chop: This is based on the fact that lumberjacks needed a cutting platform above the root bases of old growth trees. The lumberjack uses an axe to chop pockets into a 9-foot poplar pole and then stand on 6-inch wide springboard platforms in the pockets. That’s the way I climb trees, all the time.
Now you see why you are a lumbersexual. It’s not your fault. That’s the way you’re made. But all hope is not lost. Start with sit-ups, push-ups and Dinty Moore® stew. Timbersports® are not for the faint of heart. They are intense and require pluck and toughness to swing an axe like a real lumberjack. Not some fiberglass imitation that makes your arms itch when you touch it. The makers of Dinty Moore® stew are helping to introduce new fans to Timbersports® and to the exciting journey of becoming a lumberjack yourself. The lumberjack lifestyle has been part of the American culture for hundreds of years. You know you want it. Dare to dream, baby.
Dinty Moore® stew is the number one selling stew in the nation because it’s tasty and well-balanced. And it’s perfect for camping. Visit Moore Jacks Campaign Landing Page, take the Buzzfeed quiz, check them out on Facebook and Twitter, and just pick up some Dinty Moore® brand goodness for yourself. Their canned and microwavable products are available nationwide in popular stores. Beef stew is just one of the important factors in your development as a lumberjack. Go outside right now and cut something down. It might be a palm tree or a cell phone antenna.
The STIHL® Timbersports® Series is holding its U.S. lumberjack sporting event in Chicago, IL. The U.S. Pro and Collegiate Championships will be held at the Tinley Park Convention Center on July 15 and 16. If you haven’t started training, it’s never too late. Maybe you should begin with cutting down something easy, like a lily.