Welcome to the Suwannee Hulaween 2017 Quality Awards. Where the best and the brightest have come together for one of the silliest, slickest times in recorded history. With beautiful weather, great friends and sick, delicious music, this year’s Hulaween flipped it for real and turned the banks of the Suwannee River into one of the dopest parties in a hot minute. The Ween heads melded with the likes of Greensky Bluegrass fans and the Lotus crowd like a perfectly cooked pot of gumbeaux. Welcome to the relaxation station. Can I get a squeeze?
It’s a festival to be unmatched. It’s a redneck bachelor party. It’s a classic reunion of delicious people and new friends. It’s Space Cheeta Approved. It’s an exploratory venture into thumping, bumping, grinding music. Did one of your disassociates inform you ahead of time that you were going to have a face full of lasers? Let your people know, we don’t care if your head is hangin low. Hey Cheyenne, have yourself a frosty, heaping flagon of friction juice. Are y’all feeling my grease?
“These moccasins are worn thin and it’s a long walk to Valhalla” Find your way to north Florida and meet a different class of hillbillies. Stop by Moonshine Gary’s campsite and hangout with Birmingham trash like Gary and Poppy. Not the Crimson Tide kind but the ELO kind. There’s room for everyone at Live Oak and it feels so good to feel so welcomed by everyone. Just please make sure to bring your A game. Don’t be afraid to share. You must be this tall to ride this ride. No one here has time for frivolous silliness. It’s time to get down to business. The Suwannee River is just a stoners throw down the gravel path and you, my friend need to be baptized. With pit bull lifeguards on duty, it’s time to wash off that stink.
Thanks beautiful Bre for showing up in top form and making everyone better again. Not everyone can roll out of their tent with their face all did. It takes a village and when people stick together, that’s the way to start a crowd. Suwannee continues to pull from the best of the bestest every year. Non believers, come find out for yourself. Don’t take our word for it. The Spirit Lake art installations are second to none and in the words of Seredipity, “so fun.” Find yourself a Spacebug and sit down next to an oak tree and s-l-o-w-l-y watch the party unfold under the Spanish moss. Did I just see myself walk by? You deserve to have the mostmilque fun ever and Suwannee is the perfect place to learn new stuff. I double dog dare you. Or maybe you don’t have it in you anymore. If you’re afraid to fall off the roof of your own van, then maybe this isn’t the place for you. It’s the levitation station yo and when you get there look up to find our party. Not sure and needing a test kit? I can help. That’s what my mouth hole is for.
- Instant Regretomine: Removed from the menu. Thank you Adam and Trinket for being neighborly in spite of our redneck compatriots and their thug lifestyle. F’sho. Y’all brought the bizness again and no one can figure out how you dos it. Saturday night you won first place in the “sexiest couple” division. Zak and Cheyenne, have fun in Shoreline you crazy bastards. We pray for your continued success. Everything looks better with y’all involved. The most f’sho.
Sometimes at the Spirit of Suwannee, you gets dropped right on top of the dirty head of the beast and have to do your best to get by and get along. Try the slow Sunday walk through the neighborhood just checking out everyone’s smiles. Thank you Nick for the meteorites and for being the hippy who locks his keys in his car. Every festival needs one. All the love. All the love. All the love. All the…whatever. It’s only going to get better and wetter.
- Lucienda Rosalita: In the absence of Poncho, once again, the Best Mexican award goes to the nailtravels sound technician. She and Thunderbird the Quinault Indian found their way into Luke’s pond for a moonlight swim in the retention fluid. Obviously, what happens in Live Oak doesn’t stay in Live Oak for long. It’s so slickery. And completely nuts. There will be no hiding who we are and what’s zappnin. Wear what you want. Listen to what you want. Do what you want. Welcome to the free state of Nickajack. Around here we dig hard on personal sovereignty. The mountain has come to Mohammed and prohibition is almost over. Just stick around, you’ll get your turn at the bat.
Second Worst Groundscore:
Apologies goes out to Kyle from Atlanta who totally had his campsite raped by thugs after appearing to have skint out. That is an intimate violation of privacy and protocol and one that need not be tolerated. Next time leave a sign on that shattered remnant of a campsite and we won’t pillage your vegetables. “Yo man, can I borrow your headlamp? F’sho bro, it’s yours.” Thanks for understanding and the parting goodies. We will bring your cot back to you next time around. Just like school in July. Oopsie. (Ed. note: First place worst groundscore goes to the fellow who accidentally swiped Ed’s GPC-15ME Martin guitar. Keep your eye holes open for someone dragging around a new one. Obviously a mistake, let’s work together and get this baby reunited with his father in South Carolina.)
- El Capitan: At one time a candidate for castration, the Captain has risen to the ranks of the Suwannee elite and continues to provide all manners of worldly pleasures to the rest of the scene. Back rubs, Avett Brothers tunes, fire pit love and general salvation and redemption are always on the menu. Find your way to the big oak tree in the middle of the field for a high time in the old town tonight. Sometimes good things happen to weird people. Thank you great friend. I take back half the things I said about Michiganders. You make everyone look good you beautiful slug. Ahoy chigga. Check out their art at Trinity Art Collective.
- Fire Dancers Aplenty: The sexy and fierce fire dancers at Hula were astonishingly talented and utterly beautiful. Slinking and dipping to the blasting music at the Spirit Lake stage, it was an indescribable pleasurable to watch them interact with the audience and music. More than one tingly was felt by many curious onlookers. Meow? Check out their vibe at floridafireflow.
- Roanoke Mafia: Let your people know, the bloods, the crypts, ms13 and all in between. Virginia mountain folk have taken over the Suwannee River. Trash talking thugs have been replaced by high-country, woodland savages. The militia has formed and their numbers are constantly swelling. Where others use money, Roanoke mafioso trade only in deer meat, white lightning and hugs. Thank you Jess for letting the bachelor play. The Sith Lord represented his good name once again and showed up when others dipped out. Lasers and bass music do something very strange to Roanoke mafia. The transformation is utterly bizarre and one you don’t ever want to miss. Remember this, it is possible to forget how to ride a bike. Virginia is for lovers and y’all are my favorites. Cannot wait to catch your garter.
- Leave Your Money at the Door: Spirit Lake boasts the type of people who get along fine with no real currency. Whether it’s David slapping out free helpings of supper to the late-night lake people, or multiple campsites sharing everything they have with each other so no one goes hungry…for anything. Sharing is caring people. Get on board and see how much you can love. It’s quite contagious. Ya.
- Our Wooks Are Better Than Yours: Missing contraband? Too many bummed cigarettes? If you’re having problems with your wooks, send them to us. We maintain a training facility on site with twenty-four hour service. Let our Michigan wookies teach your people how to share love and just about everything else they have. Find out what it’s like to wake up at a campsite with possessions and lost articles laying around on tables waiting to be reclaimed by the owner. Be careful dropping things outside of the campsite though. That’s when accidents occur. Sorry Nick, it happens. Like Holden says, “You can’t groundscore the world.” Yo man, get out of my broccoli.”
- Tearful Reunions: Losing a child is never easy and for a single father, it can be a real drag. This year’s festival offered a serendipitous space for father/son reunions. The lost son Vinny, stolen by gypsies at birth, attended the festival unbeknownst to the all, and somehow found the father at the port-o-lets near the bat house. In his slow Jacksonville drawl, cries of “Dayud, quit being a drunk” could be heard across the lot. In an unusually rare narrative, the domestic turbulence, in this case, was actually the fault of the child. Had the father been more involved, it likely would have solved some of the problems related to peeing in other people’s hammocks. No one is perfect. Not even the son of a nail.
- Cock Fighting Redeux: “Ain’t no peace in the barnyard since the giant white rooster has been gone.” No longer too lazy to crow at the break of day, there can only be one cock of the walk. Monster chickens were seen tearing the waddles off of each other all weekend leaving puddles of feathers and blood hither and yon. Christopher Michael, once again, emerged victorious after using his cowboy spurs to rip and tear his way to the top of the hen house. Cries of “Bacaw!” could be heard over the boom of the Gris set by el pollo loco. Know this hippies, this cock of the walk loves us all with more split atoms than can be mustered by the average white chicken. Be careful if you don’t understand. Wookie magic is a real thing and if your pit bull ends up, covered in tattoos and glow necklaces on a Bassnectar stage, it can be a genuine tool in returning him to the old home place, with a big smile on his face.
- WET Team: Never miss another show because you don’t have the fundage. the WET Team works with volunteers to keep the festival running suave in exchange for general admission tickets. The VIP tent welcomed in the nailtravels staff which included,newcomers Chase Visa and the lovely Sabrina. The cool afternoon offered a perfect chance for a cuddle puddle as Jerry Douglas shredded the terra with the String Cheese Incident. Remember people, “It’s about respect. VIP folks don’t want wooks like us around.” Thanks to Doug, Leslie, Spencer and Flower for making the Spirit of Suwannee Music Park the best place in the known universe. Thanks Adlie for all three warnings. Most angels are not that patient. You don’t deserve to deal with animals like that. Chase, you are a mad dog and should be put down. Lol, yezzir.
Thanks to Silver Wrapper Productions, Spirit of Suwannee Music Park (This is where music lives) Spirt Aid, Live Oak Sherrif’s Department, Dead Cats Society, and everyone who picked up their butts and whippet cartridges. Be proud y’all. It’s one of the most beautiful music venues on earth and it’s all ours. Sometimes it’s fun to show off.
As usual, thanks for showing up and bringing your A game. Keep up with nailtravels as we head north to find Oteil and John playing in the band for the Dead & Co. Fall Tour. Phase one of our new nailtravels stickers are available for free for a limited time. Contact us through the comment thread, with your name and address and we will send you some while supplies last.